if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
