Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
