As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
3pm strippers are depressing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
