I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize