In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
