I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
