No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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