I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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