My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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