Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
