none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
