I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
