I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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