it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
