i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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