Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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