Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize