I bet he comes in French.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
two words...techno handjob
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
