2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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