He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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