I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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