I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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