You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
