If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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