If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
