im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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