he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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