Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
