um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Randomize
