Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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