I didn't shave. On purpose
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
