ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
