college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
