i wish starbucks made bloody marys
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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