$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
