i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
