dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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