After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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