My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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