ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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