i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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