If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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