Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The beer is more important than you right now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Congratulations! We have a period
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
