You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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