Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
