there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
