I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
