Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
