you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
