YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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