Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
