this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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