I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
