Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
