You work out of a Hotel?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
