I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
