I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
