I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
