I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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