Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize