Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
