no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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