weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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