i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
