youre lurking in front of me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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