tell your sister to shave her snatch
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm too high and old for this...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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