____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
