There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
