I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sext me about skeletons
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
