She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
