just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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