when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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