But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Randomize
