i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
