i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
