My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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