Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was born a porn star she said
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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