4 words: hood of his car
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
