Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize