i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
